She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
