I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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