If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
