A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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