i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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