she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
