we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
