we're blogging at a bar
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
