he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
