Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
