That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
whose parrot is this?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
