yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
