Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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