I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
vagina is talking i cant
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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