She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
