My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
