why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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