how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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