it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We left the knife in your bed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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