You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
