Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
