I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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