The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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