totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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