You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
