Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
