so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
