I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
