I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
