She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
