somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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