I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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