I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
