well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
