all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize