we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
