Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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