So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
