Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
3pm strippers are depressing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
