She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm both gender and math confused
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
