Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
