P.S. I can't hear my feet
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
