My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
