its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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