she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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