I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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