Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
