glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
