butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
