He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
