Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
