You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
