i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
