I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
