Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
