Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
