I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
