I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize