All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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