Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
