My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
