omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
