i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
