OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
