The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize