he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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