apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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