Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
